Self-responsibility is the third of the six pillars of high self-esteem. Today you will learn how to practise this skill.
How To Practise Self-Responsibility
I have decided to describe nine ways of taking responsibility for your life. Before I continue, let’s check what you are responsible for:
- your relationships,
- your time,
- the quality of your life,
- your finance,
- the quality of your communication,
- your happiness,
- your emotional balance,
- your spiritual life,
- your physical fitness and health,
- your self-fulfilment,
- your enjoyment in life.
1. Manage Your Thoughts, Feelings, Words And Actions
The first thing you need to do is to take responsibility for your thinking, feeling, speaking and acting, as this is the structure of all human experience. Your thoughts become words, then they come into actions and feelings. Eventually, you create your life this way.
Accept that the thoughts you have, are your thoughts coming from your mind. However, most of them are not yours, they might come from another person’s subconscious mind for example.
On the other hand, your feelings are manifested by your body and as I wrote above, are the result of your thoughts.
The words you speak come from your mouth and voice when you repeat your thoughts and feelings aloud, often ruminating on them. Then you take action based on your thoughts, feelings and words.
The conclusion is that nobody can make you think, feel, say or do anything. Nobody can push your buttons, because you are the button maker. It is up to you what thought you think, what you start feeling and what you say or do.
Powerful question: “How can I control my thoughts, feelings, words and actions?
2. Practise Self-Responsibility By No Blaming
As I wrote in some other posts, blame can concern yourself, circumstances or other people. As a responsible person, you do not tolerate any of these kinds of blame in your life.
You shift from victim to victor when you stop blaming and accept responsibility. Now you can look at the situation and decide what to do about it.
Powerful question: “What is my role in this?”
3. Refuse To Take Anything Personally
Stop assuming that everything is about you. In fact, people are more interested in themselves. Stop taking any form of disagreement as a personal attack. Remember that you do not have control over how other people respond, you only have control over how you respond.
Refuse to take anything personally. In most cases, whatever they do or say which is stinging is not about you, but about the issue at hand. Instead of making assumptions, be brave and ask questions. This is a very powerful and liberating practice, with never-ending surprises. You also raise your self-awareness then.
Powerful question: “Is this about me, or the issue at hand?”
4. Practise Self-Responsibility By No Complaining
Complaining is another form of blaming and playing the victim. You are showing the attitude of having no choice. It also shows that you focus on things going wrong, lack, misfortune. However, that truth is that everything not going according to plan, there is a gift, there is a bigger picture.
Powerful question: “What is the gift here? What can I learn from this?”
5. Live In the Present
Life is about now because the past is history, the future is a mystery, so there is only now this actual moment. Take responsibility means being positive at a given moment and make the best of it to redeem the past and create the future you want. According to Paulo Coelho:
Be the gatekeeper of your thoughts and refuse to have a rerun of the same 60000 thoughts of yesterday if they do not get you want you want in life.
Again I will point out here to choose your thoughts carefully in every moment and when you become present you have the awareness of what you are thinking and feeling. This means putting all negative thoughts to the bin and substituting them with the positive ones. Deliberately change your thoughts at the moment to what you want to create your brilliant future.
Powerful question: “Am I in the present moment and what do I want?”
6. Make Yourself Happy
Taking responsibility for your happiness will liberate you. Firstly, realize that happiness does not come from outside of you which means that it is not the job of your parent, partner, child, or your friend.
Secondly, to be happy is a decision. To practise it, be grateful. Keep a gratitude journal and you will find lots to be happy about. Mine contains entries since December 2017.
Thirdly, do things that make you feel happy. Listen to your favourite music, express your creativity, surround yourself with beauty, do acts of kindness.
Powerful question: “What about this could make me happy?”
7. Use the Power Of Intention To Practise Self-Responsibility
You have the power to choose. In fact, you are making choices all the time. Think about it: staying in or out, tea or coffee, red dress or black dress, hair up or down, steak or pizza for dinner. Even by not making a choice, you are making a choice because then life decides for you.
Therefore, become intentional in making choices by having a vision in mind. This vision should concern your life, your business, your relationship, your health, wealth, etc. I will write an article about how to define your life vision soon.
You manifest self-responsibility while living intentionally by deliberately making choices to move you forward toward manifesting your vision or outcomes.
Powerful question: “Is saying yes to this moving me towards my goal?”
8. Look For The Good In People
I have learnt a saying that we judge ourselves by our intentions and we judge others by their behaviour.
Hence, make it your new habit to look for the intentions behind people’s behaviour. When you understand where someone comes from, then all kind of judgement lets go.
What can you do then? Remove the labels you hang onto people like bibs around their necks and that somehow gives you permission to treat them in the worst possible way. Unfortunately, labelling is often applied to the people who are closest to you.
Powerful question: “If I just see him/her as a human being, how will I respond differently?”
9. Feel Calm And Confident
While taking responsibility for your life and experience, you step into a place of calm confidence. The good news is that you feel calm. It is the result of knowing that you are consciously in charge of yourself and that you can choose how you respond.
You also feel so confident that you will not fall into victim-mode by sucking up to other people’s verbal vomit again. They can keep those gifts for themselves. Instead, you are convinced of your greatness and worth.
Powerful question: “What do I choose to accept from this conversation and how do I choose to respond?”
Listening to understand instead of listening to respond is another effective practice. It means to practice asking questions to really understand what the other person means, instead of waiting for a chance to interrupt and voice your important opinion.
It allows you to take responsibility to intentionally have illuminating conversations and fulfilling relationships because the person that you are talking to will appreciate your attention, like and trust you and support you in return.
In a Nutshell
Today you have learnt how to practise self-responsibility in your life. Some of them include stopping blaming and complaining, living in the present, feeling calm and confident, stopping to take things personally.