Self – Discipline And Domestic Abuse. 3 Brutal Facts

breakupSelf – discipline? What really comes to your mind while hearing about it? “Oh no, again some morals, while my boyfriend is abusive”. So what?

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Self-discipline manifests with your continuous learning something and being committed to the decision taken. So if you have chosen to learn something about your potential partner’s field of knowledge – do it systematically. When you decide it is useless – abandon it yet with clear plan what will be done further.

Imagine that you have met your soul mate online. An awesome person, you could spend all day long to chat, exchanging views on all the topics. You fall in love to him… You have arranged the first meeting in real, all goes fine, next date is just about to be scheduled… I know it was so long ago and now is a vague memory, in the ocean of abuse that you have just gone through.. But I am writing the story to warn you. Even if you have not broken up with your abuser yet, you can notice some clues which made the abuse easier to exist. If you have already broken up, watch not to make the same mistakes again.

So what happened next in the story?

Unfortunately he hasn’t told you online that he starts his academic year in other town. That he will meet the people who are smart and need brainy partners in their conversations.  Your soul mate himself sees it as a challenge and does not want to bother you with his problems

Thus he cannot take you to clubs in this town unless you meet the standards. But during his studies he will take care of you and wants this relationship moving forward. Next day he does call you and asks how you are doing, what he can help you with…. After some few days you receive a love letter from him, with a small gift from the town X… But unless you improve your skills yourself… no meetings until his graduation….

Well… what could be your first reaction? Goodbye? Discussion to win a compromise?
Let’s say that all the time, during the Internet chats or later Skype calls, you see that he is reliable, you are interested in the subject he has started to study… Do you still consider break up?

If not – that is a challenge. You need to meet the style of speaking, the areas of interest that are crucial for your soul mate’s friends. There will be days when you say: Why should I do something for somebody else? Why can’t I have the right for my own decisions? However you know that if you learn at least a bit – it will be mutual advantage..

If you have decided to be with this guy – take as much advantage as you can to learn anything about yourself. Even if after a while he does stop caring of you and you will look for some one else – at least you know more and can recognize easier when such effort is useless.  It’s another opportunity of scoring another victory – at least over yourself.

What is the moral and how can this story help you now? Here are the 3 crucial truths about self-discipline.

1. Work on yourself first.

The guy is from other cultural circle, environment? Think what person you will have to become to live with him peacefully and build a happy relationship. But remember that you will have to want such kind of relationship and the odds have to be even, your needs cannot be belittled or neglected, in favour of your boyfriend’s.

2. Be persistent.

it will not happen that you will learn how to live with a cultural different guy within one day. To tall you the truth, there is always a risk of conflict and if he wants to – domestic abuse, not noticed at first.

3. Be fair to yourself.

Only you know the best if you keep promises given to yourself. If you decide not to agree to all his proposals, stick to it. You may also need to be disciplined communicating to him, as men generally perceive communication differently than women.

How self-discipline can change your life?

Take action.

If you have not broken up with your abusive boyfriend, decide what to change in order to stop the abuse – in your behaviour. For example, how to react differently for his verbal attacks. Then mark every day in your diary how you were committed to your decision. Good luck.

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Victoria HeroctenAuthor: Victoria Herocten Writer and coach.
Since 2009 she helps women with abuse to start over and how to be happy .
The co-author of the bestseller “Gratitude Book”.

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