Self-esteem: How To Boost It In 7 Steps


Self-esteem is crucial in case of building happy relationships. Today I will give you tips which will help you to increase your self-esteem.

“That’s what real love amounts to – letting a person be what he really is. Most people love you for who you pretend to be. To keep their love, you keep pretending – performing. You get to love your pretence. It’s true, we’re locked in an image, an act – and the sad thing is, people get so used to their image, they grow attached to their masks. They love their chains. They forget all about who they really are. And if you try to remind them, they hate you for it, they feel like you’re trying to steal their most precious possession.”
— Jim Morrison

1. Focus On the Things You Can Change

Remember this advice every day. It is important in every relationship to focus on what you can change. There are some things which may be your limits or in which you are different from you spouse.

For example, you cannot be a man, be as strong as your partner or so big as him. Focus on your femininity then. What can you do to be a smart, attractive woman who he would desire?

Also, remember that you are 50% responsible for the relationship, and you cannot change your partner, especially if he is an abusive one unless he wants it. So focus no your reactions, your attitude, instead of trying to change him.

2. Don’t Strive For Perfection

We are often taught to be perfect – to have the highest grades in school, to be the perfect lover, the perfect lover of the excellent cook. Stop it. The progress you make and your one is what counts.

I will show you in one of my next posts how to stop perfectionism. Now just be aware, that you don’t need to prove your value to anybody, especially to your partner or parents. If you start loving yourself, your tendency to perfectionism will disappear.

3. Use the Positive Language

How many times do you say: “I’m an idiot,” “I’m stupid,” “ should/not have done…”, beating up yourself? Words transform and if you will have little self-confidence using negative vocabulary or disempowering questions (like those starting with “why” instead of “How can I turn around the situation?”

Self-sabotage is another kind of disempowering language. How many times do you say “I can’t,” “It’s impossible?” Saying these statements, you automatically set your mind to fail. And when you fail your self-esteem plummets. Change your language and your self-esteem will increase.

4. Exercise

There are many benefits from using. Firstly, you take care of your body and therefore, you will longer and will be fit for longer. It is proved that people who exercise regularly, will be able to walk and do other everyday activities for longer.
Exercising releases endorphins in your brain which helps you to feel more self-confident. You can also notice better and better fitness and your body shape improves. You lose weight and become more attractive to your partner and other people. So start from exercising just for 15 minutes daily to improve your self-esteem.

5. Eliminate negative thoughts

Negative thoughts can do you tremendous damage. It is proved that what we think, materializes as you start attracting the people and circumstances according to your dominant thoughts. The more you think negatively of something, the more probable it is that you will end up, even more, negativity to your life.

If you tend to worry that your partner is cheating you, the chances are that you will start behaving in a possessive way and turn you will become less attractive to him. Eventually, he indeed may look for a more confident woman.

Start changing your thoughts. Buy a journal and record your most frequent thoughts. Then check how twisted they are. You can find more information in this article.

6. Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

We are living in a very competitive world. You are compared to other kids or co-workers. Comparison in a relationship is a disaster. For example, you cannot compare to your partner if you have an illness (e.g. epilepsy) and he is healthy.

There will be differences because you and he are of a different sex, come from the different family background. Even if you attended the same college and studied the same subject, he might use different methods of learning than you.

7. Don’t Beat Yourself Up When You Make a Mistake

Punishment for mistakes had the origin in your childhood when you were criticized by your parents and teachers. If you are unlucky to live with someone who is very critical, bear in mind that you do not need to be perfect. We are human, and everybody makes mistakes. When you do make a mistake, think how to learn from it instead of blaming yourself for it. What can you do the next time differently? What do you need to stop doing?

There are probably more ways which will help you to become a more self-confident person. First, try to implement the tips I have described above. Good luck.

Victoria Herocten

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