How Healthy Is Your Inner Child? Test Yourself

inner child

You could read how to meet your inner child, the important part of our personality, in my last blog post. However, before you start working deeper with your inner child, check his or her health.

What Are The Symptoms of Unhealthy Inner Child

I will give you only around twenty examples. However, if you dig deeper, there will be many more. If you have only a few of them, congratulate yourself. If you notice most of them, start a hard work to heal your inner child.

1. Being a People-Pleaser

It means that you lack a strong identity and are easily controlled. You are probably not assertive and have no clear boundaries while dealing with people.

2. Tending To Hoard Things

It is said that when we grow older we hoard everything, like children. When you are afraid of your safety or scarcity, keeping everything is a common practice.


3. Having Trouble Letting Go

And I do not only mean old souvenirs or other similar things. I also mean letting go negative feelings, memories. You are blocked and tied to the past.

4. Experiencing Anxiety Whenever Starting Doing Something New

Children are born unafraid, but by negative experiences and programming by parents they become fearful. Moreover, if your attempts were punished, you were discouraged, chances are that novelty will be dreadful now.

5. Considering yourself a Terrible Sinner

However, the truth is that we are loved by the Universe. Even if you do not believe in God there is at least one person who loves you. You can be responsible for your life, but not guilty for the sins of all the world. And we all are humans, having the right to make mistakes.

6. Feeling Guilty Standing Up For Yourself

If your parents repeated you million times that you have no right to be assertive, punished your assertiveness, chances are that you will be afraid of standing up for yourself. Read more about assertiveness here:

How To Be Assertive: 7 Tools

7. Having Trouble Starting Or Finishing Things

You are paralysed by fear of failure or easily discouraged. Probably your family and teachers at school imprinted you this fear. Read more about fear of failure here:

8. Feeling That There Is Something Wrong With You

Again, your parents have programmed you unworthiness, guilt and all similar spectrum of negativity. Now you have minority complex and are afraid of being yourself.

9. Being Rigid And a Perfectionist

Your parents showed you that only when you were parfect you could deserve love. You had to bring the highest grades from school and later to find a good, well-paid job. You could probably model your parent’s behaviour, one of both of them might be perfectionists.

10. Being a Rebel, In Conflict With Others

Each child is a rebel to some extend, but in case of you it is your way to manifest yourself. You probably did not like many things at home as a child or always had to fight for everything.

11. Feeling Inadequate As a Man or Woman

Your mother or father might show you that it is bad to be a man or a woman. If you add religion and that sex is a taboo, chances are that you do not feel comfortable in your skin now.

12. Being Ashamed Of Expressing Strong Emotions

It can be anger, it can be joy. Probably because when you showed them you were punished, your parents’ love was withdrawn. However, remember that stifling your emotions will not solve the problem, they will come back at the worst moment, out of the blue.

13. Distrusting Everyone, Including Yourself

If you were hurt many times and if your parents told you that people would hurt you, chances are that now you mistrust people. Sometimes parents might manipulate with your self-esteem so much that you cannot trust yourself.

14. Having Sex When You Do Not Really Want To

It is the program “have to” imprinted by family, religion and the media. Men need to satisfy women and women need to do the deed as decent wives. You also might be afraid of him/her cheating you on if you deny sex.

15. Constantly Criticising Yourself For Being Inadequate

If your parents did it to you or even to themselves only, chances are that your inner critic will be very strong and destroying you from the inside. Being inadequate might mean odd, different, unwanted and not deserving love or acceptance.

16. Rarely Getting Mad

You seem to be stolid at stormy times, stifling your true emotions. However, when you eventually become mad, it will be rant and rave, furry, seeing red and all kinds of anger possible to experience, often beyond your control.

17. Being Ashamed Of Your Bodily Functions

Since the youngest, when you were learning how to use the potty, parents imprinted you huge shame connected with urination and defecation. In the case of women, also menstruation. No one wants to be seen in public with their clothes dirty with urine, faeces or menstrual blood. Yet sometimes this fear is paralysing. Sometimes even vomiting makes you very ashamed.

18. Being an Addict Or Having Been Addicted To Something

It can be anything – not necessarily smoking, drinking, gambling, sex or eating. You can be addicted to computer games, watching soap operas or even the news.

19. Avoiding Conflicts At All Costs

You could be trained by your parents that arguing is inappropriate or notice that conflicts cost too much pain and emotional destruction so it is wiser to avoid them. However, you will never avoid conflicts because we are different and these differences may clash.

20. Being Afraid Of People

This simply mean that you are trying to avoid people, especially the ones who have hurt you in the past, e.g. at school. Anyone who resembles you your school peer who mocked you will be avoided as dreadful.

21. Feeling More Responsible For Others Than For Yourself

Are you the eldest child or the child who needed to take care of younger siblings because one or both of your parents died? Then you are at risk of putting others before you.

22. Struggling To Say “No”

It is a very common. You are afraid of your parents or your boss, you dead to lose your partner or you feel guilty disagreeing with someone. However, inability of saying “no”will never make you happy and fulfilled.

23. Never Feeling Close To One Or Both Of Your Parents

If you were traumatised during early childhood, chances are that you cannot say ‘I love you’ to one or both your parents. In this way you also cannot be close to yourself and feel happy. Forgiveness and letting go of pain, transforming negative energy into endoprhins will help.

24.Fear Of Being Abandoned

Therefore, you will do everything to hold on a relationship, no matter how toxic it is. Read more about the mechanism of toxic relationships and how to start a new life.

In a Nutshell

Today I have presented you the most common symptoms of unhealthy inner child. Inability to say “no”, lack of self-love, addictions, fear of people and withdrawal can paralyse your life. However, the good news is that you can heal your inner child. How? Stay tuned to my blog.

Victoria Herocten

Read some more articles from my blog:


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