Success Achiever

Assertiveness: 5 Most Common Myths

assertivenessAssertiveness is a key tool that you need to heal your abusive relationship. However, you can find many myths which may impede this skill. What is the truth about assertiveness then?

How assertive are you in your relationship?


Please comment today’s post and share with your friends. Have a nice day.


The following questions contain the most common myths about assertiveness. I will show you why you should answer “no” to each of them.

Question 1: Is it impolite to disagree?

Obviously not. However, there are some situations where we do not give our honest opinion. For example, most people say how beautiful a friend looks in her wedding dress, or we only say positive things on the first day of a new job. But much of the time, other people will be interested to know what you think. Therefore, think how you would feel if everyone always agreed with you.

Question 2: Does assertiveness mean getting my own way all the time?

No, it does not. Being assertive means expressing your point of view and communicating honestly with others. It happens that you may often not get “your own way” when you are assertively giving your opinion. However, telling others how you feel, and trying to work out a compromise, shows respect for both yourself and others.

Question 3: Is passivity the way to be loved?

This is false. Being passive means always agreeing with others and always allowing them to get their own way. In this way, you give into their wishes, making no demands or requests of your own. This style of behaviour will not guarantee that others will like or admire you. In fact, they may perceive you as dull and feel frustrated with their inability to really get to know you.

Question 4: Do I have to do everything I am asked to do?

Of course not. Setting and keeping personal boundaries is a central part of being assertive. This is difficult for many people. When we are with our friends, we may worry that they will think we are selfish and uncaring if we don’t do everything they ask.

On the other way, at work, we may worry that others will think that we are lazy or inefficient if we do not do everything we are asked to do. But unless you tell other people, they usually cannot know how busy you are, how much you dislike a particular task, or what other plans you have already mad. Most people would feel badly to learn that you had done something for them that you really did not have the time for (for example writing a report that requires you to work all weekend) or that you really dislike doing (let’s say helping a friend move).

Question 5: Does being assertive mean being selfish?

No, it dos not. Expressing your opinions and your preferences does not mean that other people are forced to go along with you. If you express yourself assertively instead of aggressively then you make room for others. You can also be assertive on behalf of someone else. For example, saying “I would like Susan to choose the restaurant this week”.
Summing up, as you could read, assertiveness is neither selfish not you have to do everything that other people want from you.

Take action.

Take a peace of paper and describe the last situation when you needed assertiveness, but failed to behave in this way. Then note down your beliefs about assertiveness. Which are false and what can you do to change them?


Please comment today’s post and share with your friends. Have a nice day.


Victoria HeroctenAuthor: Victoria Herocten Writer and coach.
Since 2009 she helps women with abuse to start over and how to be happy .
The co-author of the bestseller “Gratitude Book”.
Author:
Victoria Herocten Writer and coach.
Since 2009 she helps women with abuse to start over and how to be happy .
The co-author of the bestseller “Gratitude Book”.

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