Anthony Robbins compares references of negative beliefs to the legs supporting the table. How to question them?
“To believe in something, and not to live it, is dishonest.”
― Mahatma Gandhi
Use the same tool as for the beliefs themselves. My last post has shown you how to question the table; now you will break the legs. I could give you other analogy for the belief. Let’s say it is a honeycomb and your subconsciousness is the hive. You have several honeycombs depending on the areas of your life. Each of them contains walls. And each wall is made of wax. Each wall can be compared to your references. So what do you need to do? Create the walls from different wax, of better quality.
Facts And Opinions
Sometimes your references may be facts, but in many cases, the references uncover another, hidden beliefs or opinion. You have already discovered some references working on your core beliefs. If you want to remove your negative belief from your mind, you need to question the references.
Let’s do an exercise. Do it in a notebook for all your negative beliefs and for one chosen here. Write down this belief and then list five reasons why you believe in it. What have you learned? Are there more facts or opinions?
Let’s say that you believe that people are dangerous. Why? Because your parents were toxic, your sister bossy, some of your ex-boyfriends or girlfriends were abusive, some of your neighbours unfriendly.
However, the truth is that you have also met nice, decent people, sometimes you might also seem unfriendly, or your angry remarks escalated conflicts in your family or relationship.
How To Question Facts
If you look deeper at the example with people below, you will see that the references can be facts or opinions. To check that, answer the question:
Is it a fact or an opinion?
There might be some truth in the reference that your parents were toxic, bullied you or even abused you physically. However, it is also true that they were unaware of their deeds in most cases because their parents might also treat them this way. So you are the victim of a vicious cycle of abuse. And this is the fact. Now you will be able to do something with that.
In the case of facts, you can also question them. Here are some examples:
- How important will it be in 10 year’s time?
- What can I do about this fact?
- What can I learn from this fact?
The last question is the most important as you can always grow, learning even from the most painful experiences. Now, look at your belief and the references. If any of them are facts, think about how you can learn from them,
How To Question Opinions
This might be easier. You also use questions. Some may be the same as facts, but you can also add these:
- How important is the approval of this person for me?
- Why should I yearn the approval of this person? Do I really need it?
- How real is this opinion?
- What’s the evidence against this opinion?
- Is it critical today?
So let’s come back to the example with nasty people. One of your references is that your ex-boyfriends or girlfriends were abusive. The truth is that you do not need the approval of other people. When you are an adult, you have the power to love yourself, and then the way other people treat you is of minor importance
It is also true that your ex-has also treated you well as. Otherwise, you would not have fallen in love or even lived with him or her, although respect IS important and no one deserves bad treatment, whatever it means. And it may also be true that you have not noticed or ignored the early warning signs of abuse so you could have ended this relationship soon enough to protect yourself.
Summing up, your beliefs have references which might be opinions or facts. Both can be questioned, and you can learn from both of them, growing. Doing so, you will notice that your negative belief is invalid.