You have already learned how to transform beliefs into the new, uplifting ones. Let’s find out how Tina has done it.
Winners make a habit of manufacturing their own positive expectations in advance of the event.
– Brian Tracy
Tina comes from an abusive family. Her father is an alcoholic and her mother bossy. Her prevailing belief is “I don’t deserve love.” Having this and other negative beliefs she could not be happy in her relationships: she attracted as abusive men like her father and she did not know how to end the vicious cycle.
She Met Her Friend…
One day she met her friend Sally who was a counsellor. They went for coffee, and Tina burst into tears as she did not want to live with abuse anymore. Sally was listening to Tina with patience and understanding. She took out a blank notebook from her bag and handed it to Tina, saying
‘This is the beginning of your journey to the new you. I want you to transform your belief “I don’t deserve love”’.
‘How can I do it?’, replied Tina’.
Justify the Beliefs…
Sally asked her to justify their belief. So Tina did not deserve love because her parents had been angry with her because of her mother and father while drunk, told her so because she could not satisfy the expectations of their parents. There were, even more, references, and all of them showed that Tina yearned her parent’s approval.
The same was with her boyfriends. One of them told her she did not deserve respect because she could not have sex with him as often as he wanted. Tina has created a new, also toxic, reference. Sally asked her:
How Important Is It?
‘How important is it for you to seek your parents’ or your boyfriends’ approval? Do you really need it?’
Sally added: ‘The truth is that no one will give you never-ending approval. Firstly, because we are human and even the best lover may reject you sometimes, not to mention abusive or toxic people. Secondly, only you are with yourself all the time. What will happen if your lover dies because of a heart attack? Who will give you the approval you had got from your lover?’
Tina admitted that yes, it was true that he did not need so many other people’s approval. She bought a tape with affirmations and started listening to them on a regular basis. After a month she met Sally again.
‘You know what? I stopped bothering what other people think of me and if my parents love me or not. If not, it is their problem, not mine. I have also learned to take care of more of my needs and to be more assertive.’
‘That’s great’ said Sally. ‘Now you can take another negative belief that stops you from being happy and do the same procedure.’
What do you think of Tina’s journey? Share your own stories. Have a nice day.