Nathaniel Branden has defined six pillars of high self-esteem. You could already read about the first three on my blog. Today I will explain to you how to practise assertiveness.
“It is naive to think that self-assertiveness is easy. To live self-assertively, which means to live authentically, is an act of high courage. That is why so many people spend the better part of their lives in hiding – from others and also from themselves.”Nathaniel Branden
What Is Assertiveness
“To practice self-assertiveness is to live authentically, to speak and act from my innermost convictions and feelings — as a way of life, as a rule,”Nathaniel Branden
Nathaniel Branden writes that the essence of practising assertiveness is to be real. He met a person who has shown him the idea that “authentic” and “author” come from the same root. To be authentic is literally to be the author of your own story. Are you? If not, the time has come to take action and change it. More how to practise assertiveness below in this post.
What Else Can You Learn About Assertiveness
Nathaniel Branden gives you some more tips on how to practise assertiveness. Firstly, you need to honour your wants, needs, values and seek appropriate forms of their expression in reality.
Secondly, bring yourself into the world which means practising and pursuing your values. You cannot think of yourself as an idealist without acting out your values, e.g. honesty.
Thirdly, without assertiveness, you are a spectator and not a participant. Healthy self-esteem asks you to leap into the arena. And it also means that not confronting things or people is not good, you have the right to be respected, happy, loved and understood. However, always remember that courage is vital to be self-assertive
How Do We Learn Assertiveness
Your family is the biggest testing ground in your life. Your parents and the other memebrs of the elder generation are supposed to teach you wne to say “no”. Unfortunately, in many cases, they teach you to be quite, tor esign from your rights. You are treated as a property, a future asset or just the mean for their aims.
Before you start to practise assertiveness, look deeply into yourself and ask yourself:
Can I be assertive?
I will write another post about assertiveness soon. You will learn if you are indeed assertive and which areas of life are your challenges.
Then you also learn assertiveness at school, at work and in your relationships.
Learn more about toxic relationships:
- Toxic Relationship. Why Are You Stuck? Part One
- 5 Reasons You Are Drawn To a Toxic Relationship
- Toxic Relationship? Solve the Problem In 11 Steps
- Toxic Relationships: Do Not End Them In A Silly Way
Sentence Completion Practice
Before you practise assertiveness in a group or with your family, try nathaniel’s sentence completion program. here are some example answers to the stems I am doing this week:
- standing up for myself
- setting healthy boundaries
- respect of other people
- being polite, but firm
- seeing a worthy person in myself
If I lived 5 per cent more assertively today…
- I’d be more self-confident
- I’d achieve more
- I’d be happier
- I’d get more what I need
- my needs would be satisfied in a better way
- people would respect me more
If I treat my thoughts and feelings with respect today…
- they will serve me better
- they will stop haunting me
- they will be more friendly
- I will cope with them easier,
- I will be able to plant more positive thoughts
- I will be more balanced
If I treat my wants with respect today…
- they will stop haunting me
- they will be friendlier
- I will be calmer
- I will be more satisfied
- people will treat my wants with bigger respect, too
- I will be fulfilled.
In a Nutshell
Today you have learnt what assertiveness means according to Nathaniel Branden. Honour your wants and needs, pursue your values and have the courage to be authentic.