After reading some of my last posts you might say that assertiveness is not your problem and you are assertive enough in your life. It’s great news. But in case, let’s check it.
Are You Assertive?
There are some fields of assertiveness which are tested. This time I will not bother you with checkboxes. Instead, you will learn when you are assertive and when not if you strongly agree with a given statement.
When You Are Assertive
The first group of statements will indicate your strong assertive skills. It takes place when you:
- behave in a self-confident manner,
- express your opinions, even if others in the group disagree with you,
- feel free to politely voice your disagreement with someone in a position of authority,
- feel comfortable saying no to people,
- accept responsibilities and being able to delegate to others,
- are able to admit to mistakes and apologise and maintain self-control,
- are able to talk to people richer or more powerful than you,
- are open in expressing wishes, thoughts and feelings and encouraging others to do likewise,
- regularly express appreciation of others for what they have done or are doing,
- If your neighbours made too much noise, you would let them know,
- listen to the views of others and responding appropriately, whether in agreement with those views or not.
When You Lack Assertiveness
On the other hand, there are attitudes indicating that you lack assertiveness if in most situations you:
- feel people take advantage of you,
- talk to people in positions of authority makes you feel, nervous, self-conscious, or unsure of yourself,
- feel threatened when dealing with someone who is very assertive,
- feel uncomfortable being around opinionated people,
- ruminate the argumental situation in your head, thinking of all the things you could have said, regretting that you had not thought of them then, or wishing you had the guts to say them,
- fear to make phone calls to institutions, government agencies or businesses because you might sound stupid if you do not understand the instructions,
- do what people suggest, even if I feel like doing something else (e.g. going out).
- tend to accept responsibility for other people’s mistakes instead of arguing,
- tend to just go along with what everyone else wants, instead of satisfying your own desires.
- tend to be speechless when you are left alone with a person you find attractive.
- would probably end up giving in and choose the kind of lunch which your work colleague suggests.
If you agree with the statements below in most situations, then your problem is not lack of assertiveness, but being aggressive. It happens when you:
- use intimidation to ensure that you get your way,
- lose your temper and swear at people,
- cut in when other person tries to explain the situation,
- plan things without consulting other people what they think of it,
- yell at people when you do not get your way.
Calculate the score in each category:
- yes 3 points
- somewhat 1 point
- no 0 points
Add up the score in each category. It may happen that you tend to be a passive-aggressive person or more than one attitude is present in your lifestyle.
If you are aggressive, look for the situations when it happens. What could you do to act more assertively? Do the same in the case of passiveness. Stop hiding your true feelings, even if they mean pain. Let other people know what they do wrong. Stand up for yourself, especially while with a toxic person. You can do it.
In a Nutshell
Today you had an opportunity to test what attitudes dominate in your behaviour: assertive, aggressive or passive one. In some cases, more than one may be your major one.