We often yearn for other people’s approval. Rejection is painful and causes discomfort because, belonging to a group of people makes life easier. However, today I will ask you a question:
Do you Really Need Approval?
Think of Robinson Crusoe who was living on the deserted island for many years. Before he met the Friday Man, Robinson had to survive without other people’s help. His determination for survival was stronger than the need for belonging to the group. He had only two choices: stay alive or die.
I will give you another example. Suppose that you have emigrated to another country. In some cases, there will be some helpful people around, maybe you are even lucky to have friends. Yet in most cases, you need to try finding a new job or accommodation on your own. And it also depends on you to which group you will belong.
3 Reasons Why You Don’t Need Approval of People
Suppose that you have been already rejected by your friends or workmates for some reason. Does it mean that the only way to cope with this challenge is to despair, to become depressed? No. I will give you the three reasons why rejection is not a disaster.
1. It is Not the Only Group In the World
The smaller the group the bigger chance that rejection will be more painful. Therefore, living in a small community puts a big pressure because you don’t have much choice in case the group rejects you. But we are living in the 7 billion people world. You do not need to stick to one village or housing estate, where rejection can be painful, especially in case people know you very well.
Your family is another example. Most people will say that in case of an accident of another misfortune, no one will help you better than your family. I have seen many opposite cases in my life. A stranger asked for help, has become supportive and then the victim has found a good friend. Why? Because
2. You Have the Strenght To Attract Helpful People
Even if your village rejects you because of some reason, they will never destroy the power of your mind. Thoughts can create everything because of universal laws which exist on this planet.
The law of Focus – what you dwell upon, grows. So in case of being rejected by one group, if you start thinking that no one else will help you now, you will actually create this situation. On the contrary, constant thinking that someone will help you will eventually attract this person.
Since the youngest, you are taught that survival and success are impossible without your family’s support. It is very easy to imprint this belief when you are a vulnerable child, dependent on your parents. However, they forget that some time ago they had been children, too and in many cases still vulnerable, e.g. when living with the older generation under the same roof.
Your childhood is the past now. If you still focus on your vulnerability instead on your inner strength, people will have control over your life and the groups to which you belong will play on the fear of rejection and helplessness.
Now I will present you an awesome affirmation which will help you to polish your inner strength:
I … (your name) HAVE THE STRENGTH:
…to start a new life.
… to find the people who will help me to find a job/ accommodation etc.
… to find new friends.
… to do without the old group’s support.
… to survive on my own for a while, even if it may be challenging.
… to find a more supportive group.
3. There Are Cases You Need To Do Without Other People
As I wrote at the beginning. Robison Crusoe had to do without helping people to survive. Therefore, before you start desperately to find another group, risking that they will play on your fears of rejection and disapproval, I will ask you for something:
List all the cases when you had to cope with the life being on your own. You do not need to emigrate or move to another city to find an example. Sometimes as a child, you had to act like an adult, e.g. calling an ambulance because your younger sibling had broken his or her leg.
You cannot be held by other people all the time to live. By let say, 18 or school graduation, you were vulnerable. However, since you reach legal age, being able to find a job, a new flat, you are independent or at least with the potential of independence. I will be strict here: you are able to create your life now. You will need people but are also able to cope on your own.
When you have the strength to cope without a group for a while, you become a model. Someone who by paradox creates a new group, becomes its leader and inspirator, imprinting the belief that you are strong enough to cope.
In a Nutshell
Even if we need other people in most cases, the group has not the monopoly to determine our happiness by manipulating our fear of rejection or helplessness. Check yourself in how many cases you or other people had to survive to cope with life on their own.