You can only be permanently happy when you close the past. Even if you have been in an extremely abusive relationship.
Why Should You Close the Past?
At some stage, it is important to get rid of all the toxins remaining from the time you were abused. However, at one point, you need to say “Enough, I am clear and I do not need to ruminate over what happened some time ago.”
Why is that? Because of the Law of Focus. What you dwell on increases. If you wish to be unhappy all the time, think of all the wrongs the abuser has done to you, about the pain you were feeling. I can assure you, after a while, you will feel frustrated and depressed, overwhelmed again. No progress towards the better, happy life.
You can also look at the Law of Cause and Effect – what you sow you will reap. Now you are creating your future! If you want to be abused soon, think still how bad you have been treated. Otherwise – close this chapter forever and never come back to what happened.
You will tell me: “How can I close the past? The intrusive thoughts of being abused are flickering nearly all the time in my head. I have no control over them.” Firstly, assume that YOU HAVE CONTROL OVER YOUR THOUGHTS. Otherwise, you would not be able to change anything in your life. Now I will tell you how to close the past.
3 Ways How To Close the Past
Even if you are still in an abusive relationship, your next chapter can be less painful. and when you do leave the abusive person, you will actually close a chapter of your life.
1. Make a Decision and Set a Goal
Yes, set a goal, or even better – the resolution, that you will start a new chapter of your life right now and will never return to the old ones. It is advisable to do this on a special day for you. Every person has their own calendar, even if we mostly use the Gregorian one. It might be your birthday, the New Moon day. Choose the date which will be memorable for you. Make it a new, big beginning. Then take a diary, a good pen and write down:
“I ……(your name) START A NEW CHAPTER OF MY LIFE AND CLOSE THE PAST FOREVER. I COMMIT NOT TO COME BACK TO THE PAST ANYMORE”.
2. Commit to Thoughts and Words Hygiene
This means that you need to weed out old, sabotaging programs from your mind and the destructive words from your language, plus your negative beliefs. Lots of work, but it will give you a big reward in the future.
Every day, before I start my working day, even before breakfast, I start from writing affirmations. But not these commonly known. I open my notebook, note down the date and start writing.
I, … (your name) AM FREE (FROM)……. negative energy of the past life
I, … (your name) AM FREE (FROM)……. negative energy of my parents, sister, brother etc.
I, … (your name) AM FREE (FROM)……. negative people around
I, … (your name) AM FREE (FROM)……. toxic people around
I, … (your name) AM FREE (FROM)……. minority complex and so on
These are only some examples from my diary. Every day you can have a different pattern of answers. While writing, do not think what to write, just use the idea which is just in your mind. Start from nine (3 times 3) answers daily, then you can increase the number.
The next statement is crucial. You need to give freedom to all the people who have hurt you. It is not forgiveness yet, but you free yourself from their power. Even if you have left the abuser, cut contact totally, their energy can still haunt you by memories, not to mention the pain from the wounds. Here are some examples:
I … (your name) AM GIVING FREEDOM TO …. my mom who has loved me conditionally
I … (your name) AM GIVING FREEDOM TO …. my sister who has made fun on me
I… (your name) AM GIVING FREEDOM TO ….my father who was aggressive
I… (your name) AM GIVING FREEDOM TO ….my ex who was abusive
I… (your name) AM GIVING FREEDOM TO ….my toxic neighbors
Again, write down spontaneously. After the second session, you may feel tense again as your subconsciousness has shown you more issues to which you are still attached. Therefore, there is the third series of sentences I write.
I … (your name) FREE MYSELF (FROM) … the pain of the wounds inflicted by my mother
I … (your name) FREE MYSELF (FROM) … the pain of the wounds inflicted by my sister/brother
I … (your name) FREE MYSELF (FROM) … the pain of the wounds inflicted by my father
I … (your name) FREE MYSELF (FROM) … the anger with my mother
I … (your name) FREE MYSELF (FROM) … the anger with my sister/brother
After you have liberated some anger, pain, grief and other negative states from your mind and heart, write something uplifting. In the end, I add something positive to these three affirmations above, writing:
I … (your name) HAVE THE STRENGTH TO… start a new chapter of my life.
I … (your name) HAVE THE STRENGTH TO… heal my wounds
I … (your name) HAVE THE STRENGTH TO… let my anger go
I … (your name) HAVE THE STRENGTH TO… protect me from negative people.
I … (your name) HAVE THE STRENGTH TO… start a loving relationship
This is only one example, yet in order to close the past, your strength is the indispensable skill. We often disbelieve in our strength, we are taught of being weak, helpless. Therefore, when you start believing in your strength, many things in your life will change for better and you will gain more control over your situation.
3. Practise Gratitude
You do not need to look at all your life to be grateful for something. Sometimes it is just a moment when someone has given you a helping hand, when you could see something amazing, like the sunset over the sea, when you could buy something nice and for all the people or animals you love to bits.
My gratitude journal started last December and every day I write down around a half of A4 page. Sometimes, on my birthday or other important days, there is more than one page of A4.
Choose a nice diary which will be your gratitude book. Pick up a good pen. Commit yourself to write down at least three things which you are grateful for every day.
Closing the past may be challenging, but is rewarding. Everyone can do it, even if it takes some time and effort. Sooner or later, you will reap your crops – the happier life, free from obsessive, negative thoughts and memories. You will start to focus on the brighter side of your life. It is just the first step to pull up the sleeves and say ‘Enough!.’