Toxic Relationship: Why Are You Stuck? #1

domestic violence how to end

Leaving a toxic relationship is a tough challenge to take. You will find hundred of reasons not to do so. Today I will give you some of them and how to win them.

“We can’t allow domestic violence to become a campaign issue.” – Sandy Adams

I know it is easy to say “Leave him”. I have met many women who instantly denied hearing this. Therefore, I have decided to present you the biggest obstacles on the way to new, abuse-free life. At first, these reasons are hard to question, but you can notice that they are just excuses not to change anything.

The first group of excuses bases on emotions and sometimes they really can be strong and are often in conflict with each other.


You may stay in an abusive relationship hoping that their abuser will change. You still “love” him. Do you really like him being beaten, name-called, put down or emotionally blackmailed? Think about it. But there is one trap here. If a person you love tells you that he will change, you want to believe him. However, if his acts show something opposite, is it really love? If he does not love you, why do you love him? Is your love worth so much pain and lack of respect for him? Think about it.NOT love. Now you can have a serious talk with him, and there is no doubt that time has come to leave


Are you afraid of what will happen if you decide to leave the relationship? Then you have faced your obstacle – fear. You may not feel safe or believe that it is impossible to leave. However, we all face fear, even in healthy relationships. The point is to face the fear instead of running away.
Susan Jeffers in her book “Feel the Fear And Do It Anyway” advises acting the fear. You can start from accepting the fact of being afraid. Never suppress it. But you should also program your mind to succeed – start repeating affirmation “I can handle” whenever you feel your fear. You can also talk out your fear with your friends or a counsellor.

Fear of Being Outed

Fear may be different in the case of gay relationships or young people who start to explore their sexuality, but it is forbidden, e.g. by religion. Then the partner may threaten to reveal this secret if you decide to leave. Being outed may feel especially scary for young people.

Again, start with a short affirmation – I can handle. But also ask yourself – What is the worst thing that may happen if this is revealed? Will you die? Will you have to move out? I am sure that you do not need as much parental love as when you were a kid. Maybe the time has come to cut the blood ties and start a totally new life? Think of that.

Low Self-esteem

If your partner constantly puts them down and blames you for the abuse, it can be easy for you to believe those statements and think that the abuse is their fault. This obstacle in connection with love and fear are the hardest to beat, but it is possible with some determination.

Seek for help – your trusted friends and professionals. Keep regular contact with them. Start writing positive things about yourself – what good happened to you each day, who you are grateful for good things and what you have achieved – learned a new thing, won a challenge.


Take action

Writ down why you postpone leaving your relationship. Which tips from today’s article can you use to make the decision on the change?

Victoria Herocten


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