So you have discovered that you are a victim? What can you do then? Today’s post will give you the answer. You will have more control over your life.
1. Admit That You Act Like the Victim
The 12-step program of Alcoholic Anonymus states that naming the problem the first step to start making changes in your life. Just acknowledge that there is a challenge, that something is going wrong. Doing so, stop criticizing yourself. You will evaluate your life later
So take a piece of paper and write down in which way you manifest victims. Read my previous post and identify which symptoms apply to you. For example, you might use the negative language, complain a lot and see only things which other people have, but you lack. When you finished writing, stand in front of the mirror and lead each of the symptoms, proceeding them with “I am a victim, because…”. For example: “I am a victim/act like a victim because I complain a lot, without taking action.”
It might be hard and painful to face the truth, especially when you tend to be a perfectionist and want to prove other people your excellence. Without an exact diagnosis, you will never be able to change your life and experience peace of mind. Remember that even if the diagnosis means cancer, you can always do something then to prolong your life and to improve its quality.
2. Learn How You Manifest Victimism
Check my last article for some ideas. Generally speaking, being overcritical, complaining, using the victim’s language and avoiding taking responsibility are the main ways in which you can manifest victims. Are you still not sure? Ask your friends when they think that you are playing the victim and how you are doing that.
3. Know the Benefits of Being the Victim
In other words, they are called payoffs. Make a list why it is beneficial to play a victim. If you have no idea, I will give you some examples of payoffs:
Attention and validation. These are the most important of the payoffs. Everybody wants to be noticed and seeks approval for his or her actions.You can always get good feelings from other people as they are concerned about you and try to help you out. However, it may not last for that long as people get tired of it.
You don’t have to take risks. Feeling like a victim gives you permission not to act. In this way, you don’t have to risk rejection or failure. You are holding in your comfort zone, even if you feel discomfort at times. Abusive relationships are the best example of avoiding taking the risk of loneliness and future rejection. In the case of career, you may stick to the same job.
All the payoffs mentioned before have one thing in common: you are avoiding taking responsibility for your life. Time has come to change this attitude. No one will modify the nappies fro you, breathe for you or take care of your survival. Since the age of 18, you are the only person who defines your life.
If you are not happy with the current relationship, move on. Yes, you will face breakup or the fear of being lonely to the end of your life, but you will feel happier. What would you prefer, facing verbal abuse all the time, when your self-esteem plummets, or create the life you deserve? The choice is yours.
Practising gratitude teaches humility. You start to appreciate what you have got and therefore, complain less about your life. Remember that you will never have everything in life. The more you focus on what you have got, the more confident you will become and people will notice the difference. Start a gratitude journal and every day list three blessings in your life. Soon you will see that your attitude will change dramatically.
As I wrote in my last post, holding grudges is one of the ways you can manifest victims. To stop it, just forgive, which means letting the negative emotions go. Feel the anger, hurt, and other emotions because someone has done you wrong. Write down an imaginary letter to the person who hurt you, not necessarily sending it. But then move on and focus on the present. You can always learn even from the fact of being hurt. For example, which people you should avoid and that you need to be more assertive and thick-skinned. Also, believe that the wrong done to you by someone will return to them multiplied. The universal Law of Boomerang always works.
It might not be easy to stop acting like a victim, but it is possible. You might need some time to train new habits and abandon the old ones, but the reward will be huge, and your relationships with other people will flourish. Good luck on the way of changing your life.