Self-love is an indispensable ingredient for high self-esteem. However, we often neglect when it is in danger. Meet the seven most tricky signs of weakening your self-love.
“A healthy self-love means we have no compulsion to justify to ourselves or others why we take vacations, why we sleep late, why we buy new shoes, why we spoil ourselves from time to time. We feel comfortable doing things which add quality and beauty to life.” – Andrew Matthews
We often neglect self- love, seeking approval from other people. However, doing so, we often become people pleasers and resign from our dreams. Lack of self-love causes choosing abusive partners and tolerating toxic people around, being hurt by them at the same time, without standing up for yourself.
7 Signs that your self-love is in danger
There are seven signs that your self-love is in danger. They are the symptoms of the most dangerous processes destroying your self-love. Here they are:
1. You Cannot Accept your Limits and Flaws
Self-acceptance is necessary for self-love. You need to learn to love your limits and flaws. Otherwise, people will hurt you. If you have long-term illnesses and disabilities you are in danger as your limits are obvious for others.
start making friends with your flaws. Are you poor at Maths or cannot recognise the people on the street? Make a list of advantages these so-called limits may give you. For example, you may be poor at Maths, e.g. at geometry, but running a successful business, where numbers are important. More than that. List all your achievements despite your limits and commit to do so on regular basis.
2. You Compare with Others
No one is perfect but everyone is unique. The society has set some standards, forcing people to meet them and if you are different, you might be seen as awkward. However, the truth is that if we were the same, the world would be boring. Moreover, no one is able to do everything. Then interdependence would not be necessary.
Start comparing with yourself. Look at your achievements from the last year and notice your progress. If you cannot find any achievement, think of all the life lessons. Each of them has taught you something and this is your asset now.
3. You Seek Others’ Approval
It is the worst thing you can do. By seeking approval, you resign from your dreams and goals, limit your freedom and let other people to hurt you. I know that there are people who are important in your life, like your partner, children or parents. But even then, do you really need their approval? What will happen if you go your own way?
List all the people whose approval you are seeking constantly. Who is so important that yourself? Who do you give permission to manipulate your life, to dictate what to do, how to think and in what to believe? Since now, decide that you love yourself enough to resign from the approval of your family, friends and even co-workers or neighbours.
4. You Blame
Blaming is the disease of victims. If you cannot take control of your life, self-love is in danger. While blaming other people, you focus on them, on your lack of control and power to handle your challenges. There are three kinds of blaming:
Blaming Other People
it is very easy to say that someone is the reason of your anger, bad mood, unhappiness or poverty. Really? Doing so, you give these people control over your life. The truth is different; You and only you can decide what to do, how to react in a given situation. You decide if the person you dislike will make you angry if someone’s rude remark will hurt you.
Beating up is very common, especially if you are a perfectionist. Being over critical is the symptoms of the lack of self-love. When you love someone, you accept their flaws too, as we are all humans and make mistakes.
Have you made a wrong decision? Well, in most cases, you have done your best to analyse the factors which might have an impact on the outcome. Even after a very precise analysis, you never have a guarantee that something will not cause a failure. As there are things which you cannot foresee, chances are that your decision can always be at risk of being wrong.
List all your major decisions made during last year. Were they right? Do an analysis in writing: How much influence did you have on each of the decision made? What circumstances, e.g. force majeure, had an impact on your decision and you could not foresee them? Then forgive yourself.
Bad weather, traffic, too much work, stress… You can blame endless factors for your unhappiness, failures and lack of self-fulfillment. However, you decide hot to react when it is raining, what to do when the light is red while driving. You will always encounter something which is against your expectations.
When the weather is bad and you want to go for a walk, ask yourself: what can I do instead to enjoy my time? List all the situations which you blame for lack of success, fortune or health
5. You Cannot Forgive
Forgiveness is the key to happiness. You cannot love yourself and other people if you hold grudges or beat up yourself. When you forgive, your mind, body and soul are cleared from the baggage of negativity, you cut the barbwire of personal limits and your fear diminishes.
Write down all the people who have hurt you in any way. Then affirm in writing: “I let the grudge go” 27 times. Do this exercise for at least a week. If you find it hard to forgive yourself, think what you would say to your friend if he or she were in your shoes. Are you still angry with yourself? You can use the the folowing affirmation: “I forgive myself …. as I am a human being and have the right to make mistakes.”
6. You Follow the Belief “I’m not good enough”
I have already written about core negative beliefs, installed in our subconscious mind. “I’m not good enough” is one of them. Thinking about yourself in this way, you attract the people who will tell you the same and the circumstances when you prove that you are not good enough for something while self-love assumes acceptance of your skills on the level you have them.
I encourage you to use affirmations on everyday basis as this tool is great for reprogramming your subconscious mind. In case of the negative belief “I’m not good enough…” I suggest to write the opposite. First, think of the achievements, even the smallest ones, in the field which you regard as “not good enough”. Then write the sentence, each three times, “I’m good enough to… (add your achievement).” I am good enough/smart enough to write an excellent report.
7. You Nourish Bad Habits and Addictions
Habits can empower or destroy you. And I am not only writing about addictions like smoking or playing computer games. Negative thinking is also a bad habit, which has a destructive impact on all your life.
Think of all your habits, the things you do regularly. List them in your diary or notebook. Then define which of your habits has a negative impact on your life. The next step is to find something substituting the bad habit and start doing it for at least 90 days.
How Do You Take Care of Yourself?
Share your conclusions with others who will read this blog, as maybe you will help someone to avoid mistakes and become a happy person. Thank you.