Success Achiever

Domestic Violence: Find Help In 12 Steps #1

how to find helpWhen you are abused, asking for help can be the only way to change your situation. But how can you ask for help, when you do not trust people? Learn today.

How do you ask for help?


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1. Tell yourself that you need help.

This first step is the hardest part of the entire process. Even if it sounds simple, it can be truly difficult to swallow your pride and accept that you cannot solve this problem on your own. Tell yourself that you need help. You might even want to try saying it out loud if you are having trouble convincing yourself. If you cannot seem to stir yourself to action, try asking yourself the following questions:

  • “Have I already tried to solve my problem, without success?
  • ” Will bad things happen if I don’t solve this problem?”
  • “Am I worried about how things will turn out?”
  • “Am I unsure of how to proceed?”

2. Make a list of what you need help with.

Is it a shoulder to cry on, some advice where to go after leaving the abusive partner? Maybe you do not know how to get money when you are dependent on him and decide to leave, how to stand up for yourself. You may feel hopeless if you are feeling unhappy but you are not sure why.

The questions above may help you to define the reason for your unhappiness:
“When during my relationship do I first experience difficulty?”
“Is there some part of this process that I fear?”
“When do I seem to get most frustrated?”

3. Write down the names of friends, relatives and institutions who can offer you help.

Do it even if their offer was made quite awhile ago. If you have no idea who to ask for help, check this site. Keep this list safe in case your abusive partner wants to prevent you from getting help.

4. Match people with tasks.

They are based their time flexibility, their strengths, on their interests and your comfort level with them, given the intimacy of the particular task. What I mean here is that you meet to know when your friends are available for talk, what funds they have to help you financially or what the hours of business are of your nearest counsellor. Be informed how you can contact your supporters and if you have their numbers.

5. Maintain a positive self-image.

Always remember that asking for help is not a reason to feel weak, inadequate, or stupid. Seeking help when you need it is a sign of strength, not of weakness. It is easy to deny you have a problem and to put aside your pride in an effort to fix it. As you seek help, you might feel bashful or embarrassed. Never be, even if you’re not seeking help for the first time. Think of it this way: asking for help is not as embarrassing as failing at whatever is giving you difficulty.

6. Swallow your pride.

Pride is the cardinal sin when seeking help. While asking for help, you have to admit that you cannot do something on your own. It is an acknowledgement that you have your own personal faults and struggles. Remember that it is not a big deal! No one is perfect, everyone needs help at some point or another. Going through life without ever admitting that you are wrong is no way to live. People who are too proud to ask for help have to rationalize their stubbornness through increasingly complicated internal justifications. Never be like them, suck it up and ask.

You will learn the rest of tips how to ask for help in my next post, so stay tuned and check my website frequently.

Take action

Define in writing one situation in which you need help. Then make a list of what you need from your helpers and when you could ask them for help. Remember about maintaining positive image and swallowing your pride.


Share your ideas under this post and join the community on Facebook.


Victoria HeroctenAuthor: Victoria Herocten Writer and coach.
Since 2009 she helps women with abuse to start over and how to be happy .
The co-author of the bestseller “Gratitude Book”.

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