Read Part One here.
How Do You Ask For Help?
Read Part One here.
7. Decide when ask for help.
Your safety is important. If your abusive partner controls your time of leaving the house or check where you go, be creative and choose one opportunity to contact your helpers, even once, so they can visit you in a safe place. Even if your situation is not so drastic, plan carefully the time when you ask for help. Remember, even if you have a very controlling partner, you will always find a way when he is not at home, sleeps or does something away from you, so take the chance then.
8. Pick just one thing off the list and ask for help.
Be direct. So, instead of saying, “If I only knew someone who could take this coat to the cleaners,” ask outright: “Can you take this coat to the cleaners for me? I’m not well enough to go out.”
The person you’ve called or emailed is likely to be thrilled to finally be able to help. If you strike out, muster the courage to try again. You may think you’re placing a burden on the person you’ve contacted, yet if you did the very same thing for that person, you wouldn’t consider it a burden…so, go for it!
Ask for help! This is it! The most likely outcome is that you will be surprised at how willing this person is to help you. Introduce yourself briefly and make it clear that you need help if you do not know this person well. If it is urgent, introductions can wait until later. Explain politely, clearly and quickly, that you need help. Then, explain what you need help with if they’re willing to give it.
You have nothing to worry about If this person is a friend, family member or significant other! Asking for help is a normal, everyday interaction between people who care for each other. Your willingness to ask for help and give it back, when it’s asked of you, is a sign of your closeness and intimacy. Asking for help can even be an affectionate gesture.
9. Watch and listen to your helper.
Pay attention to your helper as they guide you through how to solve it whether your problem is a practical one or a personal one. Never be afraid to take notes as they explain or demonstrate how to fix your problem. Remember, the better you are able to remember how to solve your problem, the less likely you are to need to ask for help again.
If you do not understand part of your helper’s instructions, never be shy about asking them to elaborate or re-explain. It’s better that you take the extra time to fully understand their instructions rather than rushing ahead and encountering more problems, which will, in turn, cost you more time.
10. Thank your helper.
The person who helped you deserves your thanks. Everyone’s time is precious. The fact that they gave you some of theirs shows that they are compassionate and care about you. Give your helper a hearty “thank you” at the very least. Consider buying them drinks, dinner, or even a gift if they helped you with something major. When you are abused, this can happen long after your situation is fixed, usually after leaving your abusive partner. It is usually not necessary to be too extravagant . It is much more important to show that you are sincerely grateful. They will appreciate it immensely and they’ll be more likely to help you out in the future.
One of the best ways to show you appreciate someone’s advice is to help them in return. Once you are abuse-free and they ask you for help – you have a great opportunity to show your gratitude.
11. Internalize your helper’s advice.
Now that your helper has taught you how to work through your problem, take steps to ensure you remember what they taught you. Sometimes it means learning a new skill (like assertiveness), sometimes just be compassionate to yourself. There might be more help needed and your helper may refer you to somebody else
One great trick is to try writing you helper’s advice out in your own words. You will make it easier for you to understand while simultaneously reinforcing the information by reinterpreting their instructions in a way that’s logical and sensible to you.
12. Never be afraid to ask for help again.
If asking for help the first time is not a sign of weakness, it definitely is the second time, right? Wrong. If you are learning an entirely new process, there is a good chance you’ll forget something along the way when you try to reproduce your helper’s advice. If you listened carefully and did your best to replicate you helper’s instructions, this might not even be your fault. Your helper might just be a bad teacher. He or she might have offered you incomplete or confusing advice. They might have incorrectly assumed you possessed certain knowledge necessary to solve your problem. Whatever the case, there is no shame in asking for clarification on tricky particulars.
Sometimes second opinions are necessary. If you cannot seem to find success by following your first helper’s advice, ask someone else who has a different perspective on your problem. This may be another counsellor or friend that you trust. You can call another number from this list. You might be surprised at the varied, even contradictory advice you receive from different helpers!
Choose one situation when you need help. carefully examine who can help you and when to ask them for help. Then take action and get help. Good luck.
Author: Victoria Herocten Writer and coach.
Since 2009 she helps women with abuse to start over and how to be happy .
The co-author of the bestseller “Gratitude Book”.