It is your subconscious mind. You are influencing it all the time, by your thinking and all the actions taken. Your subconscious mind never rests, even during sleep. However, we usually underestimate the value of subconscious mind, its impact on our decisions and life.
How can you manage your thoughts?
The subconscious mind is ruled by universal laws, which work in any circumstances, even in an abusive relationship. What is more, this mind can deepen the problem of abuse or after some time – help you to solve it. When you start acting according to the laws presented below, your life will change significantly very soon. So what are the laws which you have to observe?
1. Your Thoughts create your reality and destiny.
Your subconscious mind is always eavesdropping on your thoughts – your verbal and non-verbal instructions, 24/7. As it does no thinking of its own, it relies on your perceptions of events to know how to interpret life around you.
Your subconscious mind would not know if a tiger is a threat to you or not without checking your perceptions. During an act of bullying, your thoughts about that are recorded in your subconscious mind. Then your thinking triggers your reactions – fear, anger or helplessness and they trigger more violence. It happens because your thoughts with the underlying beliefs that drive them are the instructions your subconscious uses to fire the chemical reactions, accordingly. When your perceptions of life, i.e. your thoughts, activate survival fears, they produce a predictable pattern. As you can see, it is your thoughts, and not events that cause abuse.
Limiting beliefs produce images in your mind that cause fear-based emotions that, in turn, activate your survival response. A common limiting belief, for people with abuse problem, is the notion that there is something wrong with you so the batterer abuses you. If you hold a belief like that, the more you bullying, the less likely it is that you stand up for yourself. And no matter how many books you read, classes you take or trainings you attend, you will continue to feel the pain of never feeling good enough.
So what can you do? Change your beliefs which are your automatic thoughts. You can do it by creating a new habit of thinking positive thoughts. Within about 30 days you are able to change the messages that you send to your subconscious mind and then – your life.
2. Make conscious the subconscious.
Limiting or otherwise, all beliefs form perceptions that the subconscious depends on to filter incoming data. Think of a pregnant woman. She will usually notice other pregnant women and mothers with prams, because her focus is on maternity. The same applies to you. Feeling inferior, without the right to stand up for yourself, will cause that bullying is considered as something right, you might even thing that you deserve for that. And this is a limiting belief as a lie, because it does not serve you or life in you.
They limit rather than free you to be all you are meant to be. By keeping your focus on survival fears, your beliefs merely increase the odds that, for example, you and your partner will use words and non-verbal gestures that further deepen the painful emotions you likely already feel. This could even start an argument that lasts for days!
The power of limiting beliefs rests in that they operate for the most part in secret, unbeknownst to you, separate from your conscious awareness.
Hat can you do? Identify any limiting beliefs by observing your thoughts. Attending to your thoughts helps you build conscious awareness. Then you can consciously choose which thought is negative and should be stopped and on which – alternative one – to focus. The challenge is a real one: Are you willing to examine your life by examining your thoughts?
3. Embrace Negative Emotions — Or Be Controlled By Them.
Become fully emotionally mature in order to develop emotional intelligence. It is essential that you give your subconscious mind full permission to allow you to experience the complete range of emotions of … vulnerability. Bullying is just an opportunity to learn this. There are no shortcuts here.
You may be wondering: “How can feeling painful feelings, allowing them to touch my heart or disclosing them to others, and the like, possibly strengthen me?” The truth is that painful emotions teach and stretch your heart to help you more fully love your self and others, unconditionally. The emotions of vulnerability, the uncomfortable and painful ones, teach you what does not work and strengthen your resolve. In other words, it’s not painful emotions per se that cause problems, but not knowing how to feel and process them.
You may not know how to feel and express them without getting stuck or wallowing in their de-energizing power. You may not know how to feel safe enough to remain emphatically connected to self and the other in situations that most challenge you and how to take charge of your emotions so that your survival brain will release you to freely and fully give and receive love to self and other.
The emotional states of the body work in auto-pilot. Whenever humans do not feel loved or valued in relation to those they care about, automatically, this triggers scary feelings inside. When you embrace painful emotions as teachers or action signals, you release yourself to more fully experience emotions of exuberance — enthusiasm, gratitude and love, courage and compassion — and the fulfillment you long to feel in your relationships.
You have an essential responsibility to protect your happiness. It is simply a question of whether you or your fears will control the direction of your life.
Change is possible.
You can master your inner world of emotions and consciously choose the emotions you want to create within your self and your boyfriend, even in case of bullying. You can consciously create a sense of safety for yourself, regardless of the circumstances around you. That means doing so in moments that most trigger you. Your thoughts are tremendously powerful. Therefore, you either make them conscious — or they control you. You do so by keeping most of your focus on what you love, while also allowing your fears to calmly inform your choices in a balanced way. The choice is up to you.
Think of your relationship. How often do you let the negative thoughts to rule your life? How do you deal with negative emotions. Since today, for the next 30 days, decide to stop thinking about your boyfriend omnipotent and you as helpless as the whenever you catch on that – and substitute your thoughts with positive ones – of hope, self-respect, courage and faith.
Autor: Victoria Herocten Writer and coach.
Since 2009 she helps women with abuse to start over and how to be happy .
The co-author of the bestseller “Gratitude Book”.