How To Recognize Toxic Friend. 7 Red Flags

toxic friendsToxic friend can make your life miserable which happens when your relationship is platonic. You usually may not notice when the toxic behaviour starts. What are the warning signs?

Before I will list you the red flags, read something beforehand.
Your platonic friends laugh with you, share your secrets, give you a shoulder to cry on and are fun to be around when the relationship is healthy. But even this kind of relationship can become toxic or even abusive.

How To Recognize Toxic Friend.


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What happens if you have a platonic relationship that used to be wonderful but has turned negative? Suddenly it has become draining and not fun anymore. You find yourself doing things you wouldn’t normally do for your friend. You wonder why your relationship has changed and what you could have done wrong. Could it be that this friend has always been this way and you just never noticed it? You think, ‘maybe its just me and I’m imagining this.’.
But the truth is different. You are facing the toxic stage of your platonic relationship. So when can you consider your relationship as toxic

1. Your toxic friend puts you down.

You are facing snide and belittling comments, especially around others. The truth is that friends should never do this to each other. Even incidental put down is a warning flag.

2. Your toxic friend uses you.

It can happen when your toxic friend wants to go out but then something better comes up and he blows you off. You end up paying for his drinks or for dinner. Then he never pays you back. In this example he is taking advantage of your good nature. There may be more examples like that – spending time to listen his problems and generally occupying your space when you need one,; you can also give him lifts all the time and he will not pay for the petrol. This warning flag is hard to spot as we usually have give-take relationships and it is relevant when the take starts to exceed the give. When you start feeling discomfort about his not sharing costs of travel or going out with you, then the problem arises.

3. It is always about your toxic friend.

You have had a bad day, for example losing your job. On the other hand, something really exciting happened and you want to share it with him. You are in the middle of talking and he cuts you off and starting talking about something trivial. He just stained his shirt this morning or he cannot afford that so desirable TV. Was he even listening? He does not seem to realize that you are upset… or care. He can also interrupt you just because you are talking for too long, as women sometimes do. When you finally do tell him what is wrong, he displays phony sympathy and goes back to talking about herself.

4. You are doing things that you don’t want to do.

You don not feel like going out tonight, hanging out at his place or meeting him for coffee, but you find yourself doing it anyway. He might even have you running his errands. His guilt trips always seem to work and you are never happy when the both of you are hanging out because you did not want to be with her to begin with.

5. Your toxic friend is too competitive.

Is your friend always trying to one up you? Does he always remind you about how he is richer, thinner or prettier? The reality is that he is probably insecure and jealous of you and it’s only going to get worse.

6. Your toxic friend crosses lines.

Your platonic friend should never insult your family or closest friends. Even if you are fighting with someone you like and vent to him about it. That should always be off limits. Whatever kind of relationship it is, there are always some rules of healthy arguing and breaching them means toxic behaviour or even abuse.

7. Your toxic friend is negative.

Your friend has constantly an unpredictable temper, is complaining or is always upset about something. You dread his phone call because he is calling to chat. The same may apply to meeting him for coffee. He will keep you on the phone, complaining or bad mouthing others during the meting. Once your off the phone or go home, you are drained emotionally.

Take action.

Even if you are not in a platonic relationship, look thoroughly at your boyfriend as he also should be your friend. Does he put you down, compete with you, complain, cross lines, use you or ignore you? List the red flags and make an action plan of serious talk of moving on. Good luck.


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Victoria HeroctenAutor: Victoria Herocten Writer and coach. Since 2009 she helps women with abuse to start over and how to be happy . The co-author of bestseller “Gratitude Book”.

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