What is even worse, partner could treat you in the way which would never be used at work. You may think you have no choice, say in the case of an abusive boyfriend or controlling parent, but you do.
I am aware that you might feel overwhelmed just thinking about changes. It is hard to do something after hundreds of abusive arguments or using power to win. You might even feel more frightened when your live depends on the abuser, e.g because of sharing a house where most of the property is his.
But time does not run backwards. Do not waste another minute with toxic or manipulative people. I can assure you, they will not be better just because you want to change them. The manipulators will not change because you are kind, and more obedient than so far. The brutal truth is that it might be even worse.
Let’s assume that you are ready to move on. But instantly a nasty thought appears “What will my family and friends say?” Yes, other people from your small community will very often try to, manipulate your decisions, making you guilty. What can you do then?
Simply insist upon your choices. Humans are adaptable and they will usually adapt. Think of going to other country – new meals, type of treating. For example, you were not accustomed to say “Please” or “Thank you” so often than recently. After a short time it became your second nature.
So if people can learn to say “Please” more often, they are also likely to accept your choices. In the worst case you can always change your circle of friends. But the truth is that they will usually accept the new you.
Now let’s take another step. Have you chosen a new partner? Great. This time you intend to create the relationship on your terms. Christmas spent away, less time for overprotective mother.
Just be persistent with asserting your new rules. At first, your close family or friends might try to oppose or use manipulation to force you to change your mind. They may throw a temper tantrum from hell, but after some time they will usually accept your choices or – in the worst case – leave you. but then at least you have learned the real value of your connections.
Your choice was to choose to no longer be a victim to manipulation and control. Even if it costs a kind of loneliness for some time. But think, what is worse: being lonely within a toxic relationship or around toxic friends… or being on your own.
You can always find new friends or partner. In case of your family, you will not change your parents of siblings, but you deserve respect so sometimes difficult decisions have to be taken. Would you keep contact with a parent who may beat you just because you stand up for yourself – even if you are already an adult?
Achieve success Imagine that you are lying on your deathbed. You have got an hourglass and each grain of sand represents one day of your life. Some grains are gold, of rose smell while others black, of rotten smell. Before you die, all the content of the hourglass needs to move from one half to the other. How would you feel if today you were asked to check your hourglass? What would you do to prop only golden grains?
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