1. Look for the grain of truth in destructive criticism
Maybe the criticism was delivered in a way that was completely mean, unnecessary, and hurtful, and most of the things that were said were way off base. Maybe your mother-in-law said you were “a complete mess” or your boyfriend said you were “totally selfish” for what you think was no reason at all. Think about it for a minute, though: do you need to brush up on your organizational skills? Have you been known to be a little selfish from time to time? If so, then maybe you should reconsider your actions without getting hurt by the way the criticism was given.
It is very a difficult skill to take someone seriously if they are yelling at you, calling you names, or generally treating you with completely disrespect. This makes it nearly impossible to take a word they say seriously. However, if you want to be the bigger person, try to find the underlying message if there is one.
2. Understand true motives of the person using destructive criticism
If you have recognized the criticism as completely destructive and hurtful, then you can think about why your parents or husband might have said such a thing to make yourself feel better. Maybe he was jealous of your new outfit and said you dress like a skank. Maybe a guy said you are not a good writer because he’s jealous that you just published a story. Maybe the person was just in a bad mood and felt like taking it out on someone., Remind yourself that it had little to do with who you are, whatever is the reason of destructive criticism.
Put yourself in their shoes. Do your best to understand where he is really coming from. Though the words will still sting, it might make you feel better. If your mother-in-law yelled at you for no reason, but you remember that she is going through menopause, then you will start to be a bit more understanding, won’t you?
3. Stay confident
Maintaining your confidence is the most important thing you can do. You have to stay strong, remember who you are, and not let other people influence your own self-worth, no matter what people are saying about you. Being confident does o mean thinking that you are flaws-free, but it does mean loving who you are and how you look. If you are truly confident, then you will not let haters get you down and make you think less of yourself.
Feeling unhappy with who you are, ask yourself why. Make a list of a few things you do not like about yourself and figure out what you can change.
Being confident also means accepting the things you cannot change about yourself. So, you dislike that you are a quiet introvert. Do you plan on complaining for the rest of your life, or will you start to love your phlegmatic character?
Hanging out with people who make you feel good about yourself will also go a long way in making you feel more confident. If you’re hanging with people who always bring you down, then yeah, you’re not going to feel good about yourself.
4. Remember that words can never hurt you
In the end, destructive criticism is not made up of bullets, swords, or atomic bombs – it is just a series of words connected together in a way designed to make you feel terrible. Remind yourself that criticism only consists of a bunch of words. You will not suffer until you allow the words to hurt you. Criticism can’t steal your money, slap you across the face, or crash your car. So never let it get to you.
Keep doing what you are doing.5 So…you have heard that someone said you are a brown-noser. Will you start participating less in class? Or your mother-in-lawhas told you you’re too eccentric. Are you going to stop being who you are if it is working for you? Of course not. If you have not received a valid criticism and know that what she is telling you is only only being said because of jealousy, anger, or mean-spiritedness, then there is no need to change your routine to please people. If the criticism has no basis whatsoever, then the best thing you can do is to ignore it completely. Never feel bad if you are not able to push all of these negative words aside right away. It takes practice to stop caring about what people think.
Author: Victoria Herocten Writer and coach.
Since 2009 she helps women with abuse to start over and how to be happy .
The co-author of the bestseller “Gratitude Book”.