You cannot ignore your in-laws unless your spouse wants nothing to do with his parents . Therefore, do the following anytime you find yourself in their company or needing to talk to them:
1. Be assertive.
No matter what you’re communicating, this needs to be central in your tactics. The problem with being too polite, for fear of coming across as rude or pushy, is that you don’t establish necessary boundaries. Therefore, you are not able to communicate how deep the problems are, and how troubled you are by them.
However, remember that initial attempts to engage your mother-in-law should be courteous. Remember also, that you are not necessarily dealing with a person or people who are nice. Thus, you do not need to always play nice in getting your points across.
2. Avoid stooping to your mother-in-law’s level.
It is tempting to fight fire with fire, taking digs at your mother-in-law or calling her names or being equally rude. But never go there. No matter how heated is your discussion with your mother-in-law, stick with the facts. Interact taking the higher road without compromising how you will allow yourself to be treated and using mindfulness.
3. Never try to fake a relationship that is not there.
Yes, they are legally your parents-in-law. But think about it: are they really family with the way they are treating you? Never refer to your in-laws as “Dad” or “Mother,” because neither is your parent and there is no intimacy or warmth that warrants use of the terms. Using these words also adds to the power dynamic of these elders being the ones on top. You create a more level playing field by calling your parents-in-law by their first names.
Think of your next meeting with your mother-in-law. How can you approach her in an assertive way and without stooping to her level? Write down your ideas in the journal of success.
Author: Victoria Herocten Writer and coach.
Since 2009 she helps women with abuse to start over and how to be happy .
The co-author of the bestseller “Gratitude Book”.