Manipulation with guilt is a very common case in abusive relationships. Learn how to handle it efficiently.
1. Use Broken Record Technique
Every time the manipulator attacks you, ask the question:
‘Are you going to make me guilty?’ You will probably hear denial. However, after a while, the manipulator with guilt will attack you again. Repeat the question again:
‘Are you going to make me guilty?’ When they finally say
‘But it does not work on me anymore.’
Learn this formula by heart and use every time when facing manipulation with guilt.
2. Use Silence
This is the most obvious tip for coping with guilt. So why are there so few people using it? You may be afraid to offend the manipulator or that they may do you even bigger wrong. Check the evidence. And if you do know that the manipulator is abusive, find help and move on.
3. Refuse To Accept Guilt
Refuse to play that game when your manipulator blames you. Seek approval from people who are likely to give you validation, instead of depending on your manipulator. Stop feeling sorry when your manipulator assumes the role of a victim. If you have to get away to clear your head from your manipulator’s voice, take a walk or go visit a friend.
4. Dissociate From Guilt
Dissociation is as tool used in NLP. It is useful when you want to feel free from past pain, present stress, or when there is a future goal toward which you want to be motivated. Therefore, you can also apply it in case of manipulation with guilt.
Here are some examples of phrases which will help you to use dissociation:
- Move away from _______
- Float above _______
- Move around to the other side of _______
- Observe yourself in that situation again doing _______
- Shrink that image, dim it, make the voice further away
Imagine that you are getting out of your body. You can’t hear
5. Forgive Yourself And Let Guilt Go
Forgive yourself that you have believed in the words the manipulator told you. Forgive yourself that you make mistakes, that your decisions may not be perfect. However, also forgive the manipulator with guilt, as they probably do not know what they are doing. Then let the motion go.