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End an Abusive Relationship. 5 Effective Steps

leave abusive relationshipIf you or someone you care about is in an abusive relationship, there are ways to break away and stop the cycle of domestic violence. With the tips below, you will feel empowered to love yourself.

What Is an Effective Way To End an Abusive Relationship?


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I have personally experienced physical and emotional abuse, and lived through the challenges associated with rebuilding my life. I am here to say that it is not only possible to survive, but it is possible to thrive with the right support and commitment. Here is what you can do


1. Acknowledge the fact of abuse.

Victims tend to minimize the abuse, which does not have to be physical. It is frequently emotional and verbal. You do not have to wait for broken bones or a black eye before you consider it abuse. Yelling, name-calling, intimidation and threats are all forms of abuse.

It is abuse and is sexual assault if you are forced to have sex without your consent. Ask yourself: “Are you often walking on eggshells?” Keep in mind that most abusers are charming and apologetic after the abuse. This is called a honeymoon period. Then the tension builds and an explosion occurs. Many women and men stay trapped in this cycle hoping that this time the abuse will stop.

2. Reach out for help.

Fortunately, there are many organizations that specifically have the resources to help you. Some of them are mentioned on my page on the Find Help page on the menu. You are not alone! Your friends and family members are not necessarily the best people to help you. They mean well, but they could still be minimizing the abuse. You could also jeopardize their safety by obtaining their help.

Call 1800 341 900 (Open 10am to 10pm, 7 days a week, except Christmas Day) in Ireland or 0808 2000 247  in the UK. They will refer you to the organization in your area. Many of them have emergency shelters that provide many resources. If you have children, they will be able to shelter them as well. They are understanding and will not judge you in your predicament. You can find individual and group therapy there, as well as help you with legal matters such as obtaining temporary restraining orders.

3. Use a safe computer.

The National Domestic Violence website warns users to use a safe computer not accessible to the abuser. Unfortunately, computer usage can be monitored quite easily. The website has many resources. Therefore, you do need to take precautions to be be safe before you leave this relationship.

You have to be most vigilant is when the abuser realizes that you are planning to leave him or her. Have a safety plan in place. The above-mentioned help numbers can give you more information about obtaining an access to safe computers and make emergency plans in case you leave the abuser.

4. Make effort to address the underlying issues that led you to being in an abusive relationship.

Did you have a childhood that led you to doubt your self-worth? Although men and women of many different economic, cultural, ethnic, racial and educational groups become victimized in abusive relationships, the common denominators are lack of self-esteem and self-love.

We become increasingly depressed; our self-esteem plummets further when we stay in abusive relationships. The downward spiral must be interrupted by obtaining help. You probably feel tired and indecisive while depressed. Your thoughts are negative, which worsens the depressive mood. It is easy to feel trapped and hopeless. However, dig deep and look for that flicker of hope. It is there.

5. Get to the bottom of things.

Do you equate love with pain? Are you addicted to love or the feeling of being in love? Those of us who felt alone, alienated and unloved growing up tend to seek out relationships early in life. However, an abusive dynamic will feel familiar and comforting if our parents were in an unhealthy relationship.

It is vital to acknowledge, explore and heal what led you to this pattern. Otherwise, you are doomed to repeat it. Take a break from relationships for a while. It is important for your own sake. If you have children, they need time to recuperate from the trauma of witnessing abuse. You should be ashamed to feel angry and sad. The same applies to leaving the abuser, you have the right to be happy and treated with respect.


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Surround yourself with support, find a counselor who can assist you in rebuilding your self-esteem. Then start rebuilding your life.

Have a nice day. Victoria Herocten


Victoria HeroctenAutor: Victoria Herocten Writer and coach. Since 2009 she helps women with abuse to start over and how to be happy . The co-author of bestseller “Gratitude Book”.

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