For some people, this is a truly radical idea: There is no need to fight with your partner. But how it looks like in abusive relationships?
If you are in an abusive relationship, you might see friendly fighting as an abstraction, never possible to happen in your case. However, I present you this image to show you how different your life can be when you start a healthy relationship and what to pay attention on then.
Ever. Character assassination, threats, name-calling, accusations, recriminations and cursing, whether delivered at top volume or with a quiet sarcastic sneer always damage a relationship, often irrevocably. In case of abuse it is a tool of showing the power. But the fact is that no one needs to be a monster or to be treated monstrously, as well as nobody who yells will ever be heard. So what is the alternative?
1. People will ever agree about everything at all times.
It is true, no matter how made for each other they feel. It would be quite boring if they did. Couples do need to be able to negotiate differences and to have room for constructive criticism. They do need a way to assert opinions and to disagree. They also do need to have a way to express intense feelings without feeling that they will be judged as lacking for doing so.
A healthy relationship need to know the skills of dealing with conflict respectfully and making an effort together to find a workable solution.
“Friendly fighting” means the third alternative. It You engage about things that you feel passionate about, without resorting to hurting one another. Friendly fighting lets us “fight” and still stay friends.
a – Some people have been fortunate enough to grow up in families where their parent had taught them how to disagree without being disagreeable.
B – Others were so horrified by the way their folks treated each other that they refuse to repeat the behavior in their own relationships.
C – Most couples learn the art of friendly fighting by working it out together. They support each other in staying in close relationship despite differences which mystify, frustrate, and upset them. Most come up with stated or unstated rules for engagement that are surprisingly similar.
You will learn how to create a friendly fighting relationship in my next post.
Check if there are any signs of friendliness in the relationships around you and write down each your discovery and think how to improve your relationship if the abuse is not serious or how your next relationship would look like.
Please comment today’s post and share with your friends. Have a nice day. Victoria Herocten