You have already defined some self-limiting beliefs. Today I will present you the first of some tools which will efficiently help you to transform these beliefs.
Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have
the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning
that disempowers them or one that can save their lives. Tony Robbins
The technique which you will learn is called “cost – benefit analysis.” You will learn what you will gain and what you will lose following your belief. So take a piece of paper and choose one of the beliefs you have already defined. If you are not sure of your beliefs, read this post.
Asking for help is like begging, but…
For example, if you believe that asking for help is like begging, think what you lose not asking people for help. It might be lost opportunities at work or in business, harder life, helplessness. What will you gain? The safety of your ego. Now think of the benefits of abandoning the belief: you will have more friends, you will learn to contribute better to the society, you will be more self-fulfilled. And the costs? Just some discomfort. Choose one belief and list all its costs and benefits – sticking to that belief and dumping it.
It is better to be in an abusive relationship than being lonely, but….
Let me give you more examples. If you are in an abusive relationship, you might believe that it is better to be with someone who is abusive than being lonely (single). What are the costs of that belief? You sacrifice your happiness for the sake of being with someone. You will never pursue your dreams. You are stressed and may develop illnesses, especially the mental ones. You cannot grow.
And now think of the benefits: You might have financial stability, even if your partner/spouse abuses you. You are just accustomed to the status quo and have some comfort. You don’t want to risk even a worse relationship.
People are nasty and hurt, but…
Let’s take another example: People are dangerous and hurt. Believing in this, you have very few friends, cannot build healthy, nurturing relationships and are stressed, under pressure all the time, which again, may lead to developing an illness. On the other hand, sticking to this belief protects your ego and you from hurt, although if you expose yourself socially anyway, you cannot avoid negative people who can be nasty.
I can’t start a business/find a good job, but…
One more example: “I cannot start a business/find a good job.” You have already defined why. Now the question is what you will gain believing in this statement: You can justify your laziness, unwillingness to make an effort to grow. It is one of the most common excuses, protecting you from taking responsibility for your life.
However, you lose opportunities of finding a good job or starting a lucrative business, which will help you to become richer and more fulfilled. You’re wasting respect among other people and become isolated. Your pension will be little in the future. You will regret missed opportunities in the future. Will I have to add more costs?
Now you know how to define costs and benefits of your negative beliefs. The benefits of sticking to the belief are called “pay-offs” and I will show you how to get rid of these pay-offs in my next posts.