You are already aware that self-limiting beliefs will not help you to become a happy person. Before we start transforming your beliefs, learn the five core reasons why you are holding to these beliefs:
If you develop the absolute sense of certainty that powerful beliefs provide,
then you can get yourself to accomplish virtually anything, including those
Things that other people are certain are impossible. William Lyon Phelps
To identify the obstacles on the way of changing your beliefs, answer the following questions:
Do my beliefs protect me from emotional or physical pain, holding this belief and behaving this way?
Let’s say that you believe that people are nasty. Someone has hurt you in the past. It might be your mother, your peer at school or your sibling. Now you want to protect yourself from pain.
In the case of intimate relationships, you will not be able to be authentic, hiding your feelings or even needs. Then you will feel hurt anyway.
Do my beliefs protect my health and life?
If you believe that it is dangerous to walk at night through some lanes of the major cities, you might be right. Especially women have to be careful. If you find a company to walk with you, then this belief is not valid anymore.
In the case of an abusive relationship, you might believe that it’s better to stay silent and accept the battering than risk stabbing or other forms of harm. However, even if you remain passive during abuse, do you have the guarantee that his or her actions will not become more dangerous?
Can I avoid conflict, abandonment, rejection, criticism holding these beliefs?
If you have negative references concerning conflict, e.g. your parents were abusing each other, you experienced some violence yourself; the chances are that now you are trying to avoid any arguments for every sake.
The same applies to rejection or abandonment. Your mother may cut contact with you, not breastfeeding you or spending too little time with you. Moreover, your needs may have been neglected, and you learned that asking for help is painful as you might face rejection.
Do these beliefs help me to achieve my goals and be self-fulfilled?
It depends on what your goal is. Moreover, each goal is also pursued a given purpose. We all yearn peace of mind, financial security, good health, and love. Sometimes significance and contribution are also important.
However, negative or self-limiting beliefs can also be useful to achieve the goals which help you to satisfy your needs. And here is the problem. You might be in an abusive relationship because your partner is a breadwinner and you feel financially secure. But he does not love you and treats you poorly, impeding your happiness.
Another example. You believe that wealth will earn you respect from other people, meeting both the need of security, but also significance. Maybe some people will like you more, hoping you will share your wealth with them. When you get into trouble, and your financial standard decreases, these so-called friends will suddenly disappear. Other people may become jealous of your wealth.
If you answered “yes” to any of the questions listed below, you are facing a big challenge and transforming your belief may be difficult. However, it is still possible. When you find new references, supporting an alternative idea, the chances are that your life becomes happier.