10 Steps How To Change Beliefs #3


There are some beliefs which are hard to discover, but which devastate your happiness. To identify these beliefs, read this article.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong. Bertrand Russell

We can distinguish two categories of beliefs:

1. Conscious Beliefs

Most of the beliefs which you hold. They may be positive or negative. Let me give you some examples of negative beliefs:

  • I can’t start a business because I have poor social skills
  • I cannot sell my products
  • Children should be quiet and be submissive to their parents because otherwise  they will be punished.
  • People are dangerous.
  • I am bad at (name the skill)
  • I’m not good enough
  • I don’t deserve love/wealth

All of them are very destructive. However, they are superficial. Eliminating them is like cutting weeds without destroying their roots. What will happen? The weeds will grow again. And the same rule applies to your beliefs or thoughts. To eliminate the negative beliefs thoroughly, you need to recognise your…

2. Subconscious Beliefs

They have been programmed to your mind in early childhood when your psyche was still forming. It is proved that all that you learn in the first six, and especially – three years of your life is the most durable and has the biggest impact on your life. There are only three subconscious beliefs, and they are the roots of all the conscious beliefs:

If I try, I’ll fail.

Fear of failure manifests in this way. How many times have you heard from your parents, teachers: “Don’t do it because you’ll fail”? Or even worse – “because you’re not good (enough) at (name the subject at school, a skill.” You also have heard lots of destructive criticism and to avoid pain, stopped doing the things which were not your strong point or which were new.

This belief is very destructive in the case of abusive relationships. You have no courage to change something… because you will fail, which means here: “I will not find a better person, I will not handle living on my own, raising children.”

You can also think that way when you have tried to stand up for yourself, but eventually, the abuser of the toxic person was not punished, e.g. the police could not help you, even if they were called or after they had gone, you were dealing with physical and emotional abuse again.

I’m not worthy.

Conditional love will shape this belief If your parents did not love you enough, did not give you enough approval, which is a core need for the child – you might feel that you don’t deserve it.

Verbal abuse refers to this belief. All the labels of name calling are the attempts to prove your worthiness. However, you don’t have to accept that and agree with the abuser. Focus on those people who respect you and are helpful for you.

I’m not wanted/needed.

This belief is typical for fear of rejection. Your parents and other influential people were telling you “Do this or else…”. This “else” meant lack of approval, lack of love, which are the most critical needs for children. Think how many times you avoid doing something because you are afraid of rejection – asking for help, meeting a member of the opposite sex, starting a business.

In the case of abusive or toxic relationships, it is very easy to manipulate using this belief. Emotional distance, isolation, e.g. rejecting your sexual advances show you that he or she can do without you. And we all want to be needed, to contribute to the world.

As you can see, the subconscious beliefs described above have a big impact on your personal life and your relationships. Take a piece of paper – or even better – a diary – and describe all the situations in which you act following the subconscious beliefs. Good luck

Victoria Herocten

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