Setting emotional intention, honouring the other person listening and keeping calm can help you to win an argument in your relationship. However, there are 3 more tricks that you can apply to achieve success.
Even if he abuses you, try to understand this. I do not mean accept and like. Just take into account that he also has feelings and is facing challenges. Therefore, summarize in your mind what you hear and show that you understand his feelings. You can try to communicate this, but if the abuse is severe, just keep it for yourself to take more assertive action in the future.
Let’s say you want a weekend alone with your husband and he does not to want to spend a dime. Then imagine where your husband is coming from and try to anticipate his questions and arguments before he makes them: “I understand that you are working hard trying to help the kids with their expenses. I hope we can also try to relax together, and maybe a weekend away is just what we both need right now.” Hearing that, he will be likely to make a point about stress and money. Be ready with your answer!
However, if your husband forces you to go for a dinner to the restaurant which he prefers…stand up for yourself. You can understand the fact, that he likes a given place. Tell him that, but also suggest, that you might like a different place. If he persists to go to his favourite outlet, communicate that you want to find a compromise. Do it firmly. If he cannot respond positively to your message, time has come to review the quality of your relationship
6. Focus on your strongest point
You do not have to go for quantity. Focus on the strong point if you have five decent points and one strong argument in your relationship. It will be harder for someone to weaken your case. Supposing that your daughter-in-law does not want to take a joint family vacation with you and your husband. However, you are determined to change her mind, what do you say? Just focus on your big, strong argument that you are paying, instead of pointing out how your daughter-in-law will get rest, bonding time with her family, date nights with her husband, time to exercise, fabulous meals, and unlimited tropical weather What parent does not want a free vacation?
The same technique can be used in case of your partner. Let’s come back to the example with dinner. You may have 3 core arguments to go to your favourite restaurant: it is cheaper, nearer your home and the service is better.
Your partner can be a miser, who is allergic to spending money, but sometimes likes to have a good time, himself. So if you choose the argument “cheap restaurant”, he is more likely to follow your preferences. But if he is stubborn and cannot listen to your suggestion, then have a close look at your relationship. It is not just the problem of having an argument.
7. Abandon it
In case of having an argument, there is gain in the loss. I mean when you give up and accept your partner’s opinion, he will be less aggressive. For the sake of not being battered or verbally abused you could give up. All depends what is the matter of giving up. A thing like which restaurant to choose for dinner is of minor importance.
But? what to do if the issue is serious and also respect to your person matters. Then a compromise is necessary. If the abuser cannot compromise in, let’s say the time when to have sex, you need to consider having a serious talk with him or even leaving him.
Summing up, all depends if your relationship is healthy, at least a little, or totally influenced by the abuser. In the second case it is not the argument to win. It is your respect and happiness. And then you have to take more serious steps. Some might include asking for help. You can always write to ask a question.
Read Part 1 of this article.
Use empathizing, focusing on your strong point and abandoning your right to win another argument in your family or at work. Add the tricks from my previous post. Write down your ideas in the journal of success.
Please comment today’s post and share with your friends. Have a nice day. Victoria Herocten