Not many people are aware of their boundaries while setting healthy ones will help you to create and maintain happy relationships with people. Learn what kind of boundaries you can create.
“I think you still love me, but we can’t escape the fact that I’m not enough for you. I knew this was going to happen. So I’m not blaming you for falling in love with another woman. I’m not angry, either. I should be, but I’m not. I just feel pain. A lot of pain. I thought I could imagine how much this would hurt, but I was wrong.”
— Haruki Murakami
They pertain to your privacy, personal space, and body. For example, when would you give a handshake and when a hug, to whom? How long do you need to know your date to become more intimate? How much space do you take sitting and sleeping? How do you feel about nudity, loud music, and locked doors? Do you suffer from agoraphobia or claustrophobia, while your partner does not mind being in an open space of using a lift?
They distinguish separating your emotions and responsibility for them from someone else’s. You are not responsible for the other party’s reactions, but you definitely can do your best to communicate your message in a clear way and to stay calm in case of your partner’s aggression. Emotional boundaries are from an imaginary line or force field that separates you and others. Healthy emotional boundaries prevent you from blaming, giving advice or accepting responsibility. They also protect you from feeling guilty for your partner’s or friend’s problems or negative feelings. You stop taking others’ comments personally. Healthy emotional boundaries require clear internal boundaries. You need to know your feelings and your responsibilities to yourself and others. If you become highly sensitive, argumentative, or defensive, you may have weak emotional boundaries.
They apply to your values, thoughts, beliefs, and opinions. Answer these questions and you will define your mental boundaries: Do you know your beliefs and can you hold onto your beliefs, despite the pressure put on you by other people? Are you easily suggestible? Can you listen with an open mind to someone else’s opinion without prejudice?
They determine whether you give or lend things, such as your car, money, books, clothes, food, or a toothbrush. Think for a while and list all the cases in which it is easy for you to lend the items listed above. For example, how much money do you have to have for yourself to borrow freely to others? Which books will you never lend and why? What clothes will you give to your friend or sibling? Do you give money or food to homeless people?
They protect your comfort level with sexual touch and activity. You define what, where, when, and with whom you accept having sex. If you are not sure how to set them, answer the following questions: What kind of sexual activity do you accept? Can you have sex on the beach or in the elevator? What kind of partner do you need to feel safe and allow him sexual encounter?
They relate to your beliefs and experiences in connection with God or a higher power. Do you believe in reincarnation or the life after death? In what kind of god do you think? Are you an active member of your religious community? What do you think of karma, the chi energy? How do you treat angels?
Defining your boundaries is the first step to creating a happy relationship. The next step is to communicate them and expects that they are respected by other people. However, the same applies to you. Remember to respect and not to cross your partner’s or child’s boundaries and your life will be more harmonious.
In a case of living in a toxic relationship, your boundaries can be easily crossed. Then you need to learn how to defend them, which also require communication skills and your high self-esteem. My posts will help you to achieve these goals.
Good luck on the way of defining and manifesting your boundaries. Congratulations, because you are more aware of yourself than 95% of people on this planet. Have a beautiful day,