My readers asked me to write more posts about toxic people. Today I will tell you how to recognize that you are in a toxic relationship.
Firstly, let’s clarify one thing. “Toxic” does not only entail obvious damage like physical abuse, stealing, or name-calling. It also represents all the internal turmoil that results from an unhealthy relationship. Here are 5 signs which will indicate a toxic relationship:
1. It seems like you can’t do anything right
The other person constantly puts you down as not good enough. He can mock your personality, and then you feel ashamed most of the time. In other words, verbal abuse is present in your relationship which needs taking instant action to avoid deeper problems. Talk seriously to him and demand respectful treating your person. If he continues putting you down, think seriously if it is worth trouble to stay in such relationship.
2. Everything is about him and never about you
You have feelings, too, but the other person will not hear them. You are unable to have a two-sided conversation where your opinion is heard, considered and respected. Instead of acknowledging your feelings, he battles with you until he gets the last word. Join assertiveness workshops and stand up for yourself. Explain that you do not accept such treatment and demand respecting your needs and opinions.
3. You find yourself unable to enjoy good moments with him
Every day brings another challenge. It seems as though he is always raising gripes about you. His attempt to control your behavior is an attempt to control your happiness. If you are “lucky” to live with a control freak learn how to stand up for yourself. I recommend reading the book “Toxic Men” by Lilian Glass where you will find many useful techniques how to deal with this type of toxic person.
4. You are uncomfortable being yourself around that person
You do not feel free to speak your mind. You have to put on a different face just to be accepted by that person. You realize you do not even recognize yourself anymore, and neither do your closest friends and family. It is fear and yearning for acceptance. But this is the way to nowhere. Start seeing yourself as a worthy, intelligent and beautiful woman. If he cannot accept you as you are… think of the people who can and even consider finding a new person who will appreciate and uplift you.
5. You are not allowed to grow and change
Whenever you aim to grow and improve yourself, he responds with mockery and disbelief. There is no encouragement or support for your efforts. Instead, he keeps you stuck in old judgments insisting that you will never be any different than you are now. Is it really true? What do your friends say?
If you’re experiencing even just one of these signs, check in with yourself to see if the relationship is doing more damage than good. Evaluate the relationship and what it’s worth to you. It might happen that this is a waste of time being with somebody who limits your growth and fulfilled life, just because of being jealous or insecure.
Now it’s your turn: Without giving names, do you find yourself in a toxic relationship? Have you left a toxic relationship and want to share how that decision has changed your life? Or are you afraid to leave a toxic relationship because you fear the repercussions? Leave a comment and share your experience.
Author: Victoria Herocten Writer and coach.
Since 2009 she helps women with abuse to start over and how to be happy .
The co-author of the bestseller “Gratitude Book”.