Is it easy to end a toxic relationship? It might be, but you can certainly make some of the mistakes listed below. What are they?
1. Leaving the goodbye message in the voicemail
The other person living in the toxic relationship may think it is not serious. But if it is an abusive partner, who beats you, then you are just leaving him your trail – to find you and make the revenge.
2. Ending the toxic relationship during telephone call
The reasons are similar to those mentioned in the description of the first mistake. This step requires more courage than leaving a message. Do you really want to tell him directly that the relationship is over? What if he starts promising that he will change… but you know it will not work?
3. End the toxic relationship by informing him indirectly
Are you so afraid that you have to use your friend as an advocate? She may change the meaning of your decision and he will eventually confront you to check if your decision is valid.
4. Sudden cutting of contact without explanation
In case of a toxic, but not seriously abusive relationship you should inform the toxic partner that the relationship is over – so he has no illusion about that. However, if he threatens you, batters you and you also want to escape – cut the contact and don’t leave the trail, answering his calls.
5. Starting an affair
Even if you are not satisfied with your current relationship, starting an affair will not work for you; it will only worsen the situation. You should rather end the current relationship first, as otherwise your affair can also be toxic. And what if the new partner wants an exclusive relationship, while the truth is different?
6. Avoiding conversations about the state of your relationship
This mistake does not get your partner a chance to make improvement to save the relationship. Even if your partner is abusive, you should inform him first, that you do not accept the way he treats you and demand respect. But when he knows what the story is, then you can leave without a word, especially if he abuses you physically and threatens.
7. Ending a toxic relationship in a public place
Discretion requires that you split up in private. No one wants public humiliation. However, if he threatens you, batters you – than it IS safer to end the relationship in public.
8. Ending the toxic relationship just before your partner has a public or social commitment
This is not fair. Put yourself into his shoes and think if you would like to be undergoing humiliation. The law of boomerang states that what we do to other people comes back multiplied. So even if you have to break up – do it with respect to the other party.
9. Telling other people about your decision before partner knows
Again, it is not fair. Firstly, it is not their business, secondly, they cannot serve as your advocates. What do you expect from your friends, telling them before your partner knows? Consolation? Emotional support? I will be firm here. It is your, and only your responsibility to decide and inform the partner about your decision.
10. Expecting that ending a toxic relationship will not cause pain
Confrontation itself can be painful. He may be angry, blaming you, trying to manipulate with guilt. If you take it all personally, then it will hurt even more. After the breakup you will inevitable experience emotional roller coaster – relief that he is gone, but also missing him and feeling loss.
11. Ending a toxic relationship in the middle of a row
This is the worst scenario. You would not say the same words being calm, without reasonable discussion. Making decisions like breakup during heated argument is the worst option and even if the partner does not improve his behaviour towards you – break up when the emotions fall down.
Author: Victoria Herocten Writer and coach.
Since 2009 she helps women with abuse to start over and how to be happy .
The co-author of the bestseller “Gratitude Book”.